The Largest Empire...

 ... that ever was or ever will be, in the history of man.

For 200+ years, the British subconscious has not unnaturally been unable to divest itself of the vestiges of what, in man's history, became the largest empire ever, which feat, given the logistic of human civilisation of today, will not or cannot be repeated till perdition comes.  The British are progressively getting reduced in their reach and influence in an exponentially changing political history, geography and demography of the world. 

It is not inconceivable, it is even forgivable, that they might have embedded in their subconscious the notion that America is still their colony; or that their island, due to tectonic plate movement, will somehow be pushed to abut the eastern coast of the United States and therefore and thereafter become part of it, if not the owner of it. 

Someone anonymously emailed the following, which I found funny without being sardonic, and completely devoid of malice. Here it is; I hope you enjoy it too:

            ___________________________________ 

HER  SOVEREIGN MAJESTY QUEEN ELIZABETH II HAS SENT THIS EMAIL TO THE AMERICANS!    To the Citizens of the United States of America from Her Sovereign Majesty Queen Elizabeth II, Greetings. In light of your immediate failure to financially manage yourselves and also in recent years your tendency to elect incompetent Presidents of the USA and therefore not able to govern yourselves, we hereby give notice of the revocation of your independence, effective immediately. (You should look up 'revocation' in the Oxford English Dictionary.) Her Sovereign Majesty Queen Elizabeth II will resume monarchical duties over all states, commonwealths, and territories (except Kansas, which she does not fancy). Your new Prime Minister, David Cameron, will appoint a Governor for America without the need for further elections. Congress and the Senate will be disbanded.  A questionnaire may be circulated sometime next year to determine whether any of you noticed. To aid in the transition to a British Crown dependency, the following rules are introduced with immediate effect: 1. The letter 'U' will be reinstated in words such as 'colour,' 'favour,' 'labour' and 'neighbour.'  Likewise, you will learn to spell 'doughnut' without skipping half the letters,  and the suffix '-ize' will be replaced by the suffix '-ise.'  Generally, you will be expected to raise your vocabulary to acceptable levels (look up 'vocabulary'). ------------------- 2. Using the same twenty-seven words interspersed with filler noises such as 'like' and 'you know' is an unacceptable and inefficient form of communication. There is no such thing as U.S.English. We will let Microsoft know on your behalf. The Microsoft spell-checker will be adjusted to take into account the reinstated letter 'u'' and the elimination of  '-ize.' ------------------- 3. July 4th will no longer be celebrated as a holiday. ----------------- 4. You will learn to resolve personal issues without using guns, lawyers, or therapists. The fact that you need so many lawyers and therapists shows that you're not quite ready to be independent. Guns should only be used for shooting grouse. If you can't sort things out without suing someone or speaking to a therapist, then you're not ready to shoot grouse. ---------------------- 5. Therefore, you will no longer be allowed to own or carry anything more dangerous than a vegetable peeler. Although a permit will be required if you wish to carry a vegetable peeler in public. ---------------------- 6. All intersections will be replaced with roundabouts, and you will start driving on the left side with immediate effect. At the same time, you will go metric with immediate effect and without the benefit of conversion tables. Both roundabouts and metrication will help you understand the British sense of humour. -------------------- 7. The former USA will adopt UK prices on petrol (which you have been calling gasoline) of roughly $10/US gallon. Get used to it. ------------------- 8. You will learn to make real chips. Those things you call French fries are not real chips, and those things you insist on calling potato chips are properly called crisps. Real chips are thick cut, fried in animal fat, and dressed not with catsup but with vinegar. ------------------- 9. The cold, tasteless stuff you insist on calling beer is not actually beer at all. Henceforth, only proper British Bitter will be referred to as beer, and European brews of  known and accepted provenance will be referred to as Lager. New Zealand beer is also acceptable, as New Zealand is pound for pound the greatest sporting nation on earth and it can only be due to the beer. They are also part of the British Commonwealth - see what it did for them. American brands will be referred to as Near-Frozen Gnat's Urine, so that all can be sold without risk of further confusion. --------------------- 10. Hollywood will be required occasionally to cast English actors as good guys.  Hollywood will also be required to cast English actors to play English characters. Watching Andie Macdowell attempt English dialogue in Four Weddings and a Funeral was an experience akin to having one's ears removed with a cheese grater. --------------------- 11. You will cease playing American football. There are only two kinds of proper football; one you call soccer, and rugby (dominated by the New Zealanders). Those of you brave enough will, in time, be allowed to play rugby (which has some similarities to American football, but does not involve stopping for a rest every twenty seconds or wearing full kevlar body armour like a bunch of nancies). --------------------- 12. Further, you will stop playing baseball. It is not reasonable to host an event called the World Series for a game which is not played outside of America. Since only 2.1% of you are aware there is a world beyond your borders, your error is understandable. You will learn cricket, and we will let you face the Australians (wWorld dominators) first to take the sting out of their deliveries. -------------------- 13. You must tell us who killed JFK. It's been driving us mad. ----------------- 14. An internal revenue agent (i.e. tax collector) from Her Majesty's Government will be with you shortly to ensure the acquisition of all monies due (backdated to 1776). --------------- 15. Daily Tea Time begins promptly at 4 p.m. with proper cups, with saucers, and never mugs, with high quality biscuits (cookies) and cakes; plus strawberries (with cream) when in season. God Save the Queen! ------------------ Charu wrote: It is revealing that a post on an ex British colony, USA, on a downward slide is published along with another downturned ex British colony, India and a humorous, anonymous and certainly bogus letter of intent from her Majesty, the Queen of England, to take back one and not the other are all posted on one page! BTW, I have my own items to add to that list should USA cede to England! ------------------------- My reply: Charu, that is an uncanny and brilliant observation you have made: USA, a former British fiefdom, which became the wealthiest and the most powerful democratic country in the world; and the other, India, also the most favourite of all British colonies worldwide, the so-called Jewel in the Crown of the British Empire, which also remained democratic, and went on to become the world’s most populous country (not China, which is three times the size of India, and therefore its population by area is one-third that of India); for England, the notion of regaining India is not only remote but unthinkable. Bravo, Charu.